Mystery Solving Shaman

by Cadence Beret

Please Note : The following poem was created through the process of imagination while focussing on rhyme and rhythm. It includes entirely fictional content and characters leading to a possible murder and hints at sexual activity which might be offensive to some. Names of the characters might be linked to actual individuals but do not in any way represent or imply any relevance to an actual living or deceased person.

Mr. John is a dong
Who was born in Hong Kong
His last name is DeJong

He committed a crime
And he did some time
Then he was set free on a dime

Now he has a new name
But he still plays the game
That stopped his rise to fame

Once a wannabe actor
Who starred on a show called Fear Factor
Nowadays he says he’s a sculptor

       a year ago he went on a bend
       that’s when he met his new girlfriend
       it didn’t work out with Dawn
       and now she is long-gone

Then along came Alexandra
Who walked around with no bra
And swung from a candelabra

He thought she was pretty
Thought she had some money
And she should be his new honey

So now you might understand why
John’s very long dong was high
When he saw Alexandra walk by

He tried so hard to charm her
So he took her out for dinner
And soon after that he bonged her

       then he found out she was broke
       he thought “is this a joke?”
       not only that but she was a screamer
       so it didn’t work out with her either

Some think he broke her heart
When he called her a tart
He’s such a big ‘ol fart!

What John DeJong doesn’t know
Is that Alexandra is no ho
What she really is is his foe

She was hired for this case
Cuz no one has seen Dawn’s face
Since they both ran in the rat race

Alexandra is not a police officer
Or a private investigator
She’s a ball-chopping alligator

       she can get the truth out of a man
       she’s some sort of psychic shaman
       all she has to do is tickle a dong
       that’s how she got the truth from DeJong

He confessed without even knowing
While he was moaning and groaning
And woke-up hand-cuffed the next morning

He still doesn’t know which dog
Sniffed him out to be the hog
That hid Dawn under a log

Alexandra was not around
He was told she could not be found
When they took him to the pound

Now he’s locked up again
But only for the weekend
Cuz he’s planned an escape with a friend!

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